The Secret to Understanding the Van Language
by Kaosu Buraindo
Summary: This is a little mini dictionary that I made up for people that have a hard time understanding what Van really means when he says something.


Hehehe, I couldn't help it. Everyone knows men in general have porblems expressing themselves. I'm sure this has been done before, but I gave it a shot anyways.   
Warnings: Ummm...there might be a damn in there somewhere, but that's about it.   
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.   
  
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Hello, and welcome to Kaosu-Chans little online dictionary of the new found language, Vanese. If you want to get to know this little prince better, you HAVE to speak his language! Or your gonna wanna punch the guy. Well, enjoy! and NO FLAMING.   
  
**Leave Me Alone:** I'm lonely, I want a hug, my feelings have been hurt, and I'm planning on jumping off of this roof, talk to me!!  
  
If someone asks him for help with Escaflowne:  
  
**I don't need your help**: Oh god, it's falling apart! Help me damnit! why are you just standing there??  
**It's fine**: I think I broke it, and I don't want you to know about it...so, please make my life easier and leave before I have to knock you out.  
**I need some help**: I just admitted that I need help, this means a) Escaflowne has been chopped up into such little pieces that you couldn't fill a teaspoon with them or b) I'm not really Van, run.  
  
If told that Hitomi is going to marry Allen:  
  
**So?:**.....ouch, that hurt...I mean that really hurt, please leave so I can cry in peace...  
**Promise to take care of her**: I love the little thing to death, and if anything happens to her, I'm blaming you, and it will be you who I chop into thousands of little pieces.  
**She means nothing to me**: WAAAAAA!!!! How could you do this to me??? She was my only chance at love! WHY GOD WHY???...run...fast, far, now.  
  
**Stop screaming in my ear**: I'm so pissed off right now that I can't even notice how close you are to my neck, and that I've always wanted you to talk into my ear. But if you want, your welcome to whisper sweet nothings in there as soon as we land.  
**If you hurt her I'll kill you!** You son of a bitch! How dare you even touch her, if you don't put MY girl down right now I'm afraid I'm going to have to mop the floor with your head!  
**I'm going to kill you!**: You've pissed me off, and now you will die.  
  
If asked about Folken  
  
**He is not my brother!:** He hurt me...he pissed me off beyond belief, I'm suffering from mental anguish from the thought of my brother backstabbing me. Right now, I'm acting like I hate him, and it's going to be a walk in the park dealing with him, but I'm really hurting inside...I need a hug!  
**Folken who?**: I'm trying to cope with my feelings by pretending that I don't know him, please drop the question and let me mope in peace.  
**Folken will pay!:** I'm going crazy, and i'm about to do something really stupid. If you don't stop me, I might kill my brother....then i'll have to kill you for not stopping me.  
  
** I don't know what to do..**: I admited that I'm lost, I thought no one was listning, or i'm SERIUOSLY depressed. If you don't help me, i'll go into pouting mode.  
**I Need to See Hitomi!**: I've finally come out and embraced my feelings. If you don't hand Hitomi over right now, I might lock them back up again.  
  
After a battle:  
  
**I'm Fine**: I'm hurt, really badly. Somebody call a damn doctor!  
**I don't need your help**: I think I might die...  
**I'm hurt, I need some help**: THATS IT! I know i'm gonna die! I'm bleeding! My arm is broken, I can't breath..It's getting dark!  
**I'll be fine**: I'm hurt...badly hurt. If I get some medical attention then I'll be fine. If not, I'm going to die a slow and agonizing death...  
  
**What do you mean!?**: Shit! You just found out one if my little secrets! I'm going to play dumb until you drop the topic, or I'm gonna get really, really mad.  
**Go away..**: I'm pissed, sad, or just feeling down. I don't like showing how I feel, so if you stay I might be forced to talk. Talking about stuff that bothers me, scares me. Talking about my feelings, scares me. If you stay then I'll get up and leave, or I might spill...  
**You don't scare me!**: Hitomi, or someone else I know is in the room, and I don't want them to think I'm a wimp. Or, you did something to really piss me off, and I'm not going to stop until I kill you, or die trying...and I know it's going to be the second one.  
**Oh..well, thank you...**: You saved my ass, I love you!!!  
**Hitomi saved my life, I have to repay her!**: GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!!! Hitomi's in trouble and i've got to save her! And since I don't want you people (or myself) knowing that I want to save her because I love her, I'm making up this "repaying" excuse so you can leave me alone, and I can get on with my huge case of denial.  
** It's none of your business**: I'm having a hard time sharing this peace of information because a) It's hard for me to talk about and I don't want you to think i'm a wimp If I start to cry,or b)I don't want you to think I'm soft and weak so I'm keeping up this tough guy exterior.  
**I Want....Your Power!**: I love yah baby! But I'm having a hard time saying it...So instead I'm gonna say something really stupid so I don't have to fess up.

Well, thats all I can think of/have time for, today! I'll add more as I think of them. Thanks for Reading! and remember, If you flame me, I'll just laugh at you!


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